Cook's Nightmare



The art of making this dish is in not over-powering one flavour with another.

1. Kumquats. 1 Dozen.
2. Limes. 3.
3. Bean Sprouts 350 gram.
4. Lemon 4.
5. Timing In quantity and quality.
6. Large pan (8 pints) 1.
7. Carrots About half a pound.
8. Tomato As above.
9. Potato As above, above.
10. Celery 1 large stick.
11. Orange 2 large.
12. Patience In greater quantity.
13. Wild rice 1 small packet.
14. Garlic Like a canker, too little is no good,
too late, a 'Right Mess'.
15. Pitta bread 4 per person.
16. Water 5 pints.

Action Stations!

Put 16 in 6 and bring to boil.
Chop 2 of 3 and the same of 4.
Dice 7, slice 9 add to 16.
Cut 10 into 3 and add 1 piece.
Stir in a little 12 along with some 5.
A few more 1 and half of chopped 2.
Perhaps a little 14, then perhaps not.
Add half of 4 and a little more 2.
To an agreeable simmer turn 16.
Throw in some 1 with a touch more 12.
Add 13 with 5 and 14 perhaps?
Another piece of 10 and a little more 4.
Follow this with some 1 and a squeeze of 11.
Add 3 with 12 not forgetting more 5.
Heat 15 ‘neath grill and 8 thinly sliced.
Add 3 to the pot and the rest of 1.
Quarter remaining 11, 4 and 2.
A few minutes later and the dish should be done.
( Or not as the case may be ).

Chef’s Tip. It is imperative the cook attains a very relaxed disposition. Make sure you’re well and truly drunk before attempting the above. I suggest playing some Steel Band/Calypso music.