Cook’s Nightmare
The art of making this dish is in not over-powering one flavour with another.
1. Kumquats. 1 Dozen.
2. Limes. 3.
3. Bean Sprouts 350 gram.
4. Lemon 4.
5. Timing In quantity and quality.
6. Large pan (8 pints) 1.
7. Carrots About half a pound.
8. Tomato As above.
9. Potato As above, above.
10. Celery 1 large stick.
11. Orange 2 large.
12. Patience In greater quantity.
13. Wild rice 1 small packet.
14. Garlic Like a canker, too little is no good,
too late, a 'Right Mess'.
15. Pitta bread 4 per person.
16. Water 5 pints.
Action Stations!
Put 16 in 6 and bring to boil.
Chop 2 of 3 and the same of 4.
Dice 7, slice 9 add to 16.
Cut 10 into 3 and add 1 piece.
Stir in a little 12 along with some 5.
A few more 1 and half of chopped 2.
Perhaps a little 14, then perhaps not.
Add half of 4 and a little more 2.
To an agreeable simmer turn 16.
Throw in some 1 with a touch more 12.
Add 13 with 5 and 14 perhaps?
Another piece of 10 and a little more 4.
Follow this with some 1 and a squeeze of 11.
Add 3 with 12 not forgetting more 5.
Heat 15 ‘neath grill and 8 thinly sliced.
Add 3 to the pot and the rest of 1.
Quarter remaining 11, 4 and 2.
A few minutes later and the dish should be done.
( Or not as the case may be ).
Chef’s Tip. It is imperative the cook attains a very relaxed disposition. Make sure you’re well and truly drunk before attempting the above. I suggest playing some Steel Band/Calypso music.
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Pong Proof Kippers
These are ideal for shared accommodation where the aroma of Kippers can be over powering.
Roll up Kippers, put into tall jug and pour over fast boiling water to cover them. Cover jug and let stand in a warm place for 5 minutes, then take out fish, drain and serve with butter or similar spread.
Note: This method avoids cooking smells.
WARNING. Do not use plastic jugs.
We are looking for any dishes from the Caribbean worth a page in the
Pheasant Pluckers Gazette.
Roll up Kippers, put into tall jug and pour over fast boiling water to cover them. Cover jug and let stand in a warm place for 5 minutes, then take out fish, drain and serve with butter or similar spread.
Note: This method avoids cooking smells.
WARNING. Do not use plastic jugs.
We are looking for any dishes from the Caribbean worth a page in the
Pheasant Pluckers Gazette.
In Search of the Wild Parstie
The true, Wild Parstie is found only within the Ancient bounds of Cornwall. It shares the countryside with an even rarer beast, the Oggy. The Parstie is a communal creature, found in burrows on cliff tops, usually near old or dis-used tin workings. It is possible it came to these shores with visiting Phoenicians looking for something in which to put their sardines.
The animal can become something of a pest because of it’s delight in digging up carrots. These are mostly eaten or, like the squirrel, re-buried elsewhere to be forgotten. It is said only the Carrot Fly can equal the Parstie when it comes to sniffing out hidden roots. Unlike the fly this nocturnal animal is a great delicacy and in the open season great numbers are trapped. Usually with the aid of juicy carrots.
Methods of cooking are closely guarded secrets, though some would say they have the knack! It is upto a true born Cornishman to give the cook the all clear. As mentioned earlier there is also the Oggy. This is a solitary beast. So rare in fact very few have seen it let alone tasted it. Whereas the Parstie could be called carnivorous, the Oggy has more of an omnivorous nature.
In fact there is a dispute as to where it came from. Some say Marco Polo brought it to Italy from Cathay along with edible boot laces! Whether we owe it to Marco or not I will leave it to you, but the aroma of a lightly roasted Oggy eaten at the bottom of a Cornish Tin Mine shaft, is something few will fail to forget. Always assuming one can find both an Oggy and a safe mine shaft!
The strange war cry - oggie, oggie, oggie - heard in Welsh Valleys and around pit villages of Northern climes has nothing to do with Cornwall. Neither has the sub species often found in Dumnonia and other parts of Albion. Though a very distant cousin of these two delicacies, Haggii rotunda, is worth seeking out.
The marauding Picts and other non descript tribes hail the Haggii as their National dish. This is a load of palony as the animal was first known to nomadic shepherds of Ancient Persia. It came to these shores by way of William and his mates when they paddled over to play conquers with our lot. After a deal of trouble they herded it into Hadrian’s back yard. A few semi - wild specimens are seen in the Shambles now and again but be wary of imitations.
Those foolish enough to risk life and limb travelling North of so-called civilization, should look for the more lively members of the Haggii family, ‘The Balmoral Burper and Grampian Griper’. The condition of local peasantry is a firm guide to which species are found in the locality. Travellers are advised to carry a large stock of kaolin and morphine to ward off unwanted side effects.
An even rarer sub-specie is said to inhabit the banks of Ness. When disturbed it exudes an hallucinogenic liquid which makes it look larger and longer. This keeps would be predators at bay. The ‘strange spectacle on Loch Ness’ reported in the Inverness Courier by Alex Campbell on May 2nd 1933, is thought to have been such a sighting of Haggii rotunda ‘aquatica’.
Fortunately, those living in the South have only to contend with an annual loss of carrots and strange noises emanating from old tin mine shafts. Some say these are the ghostly voices of long lost miners. Locals however will recognise them as the calls of a love sick Oggy!
Joking aside, I understand the Cornish Oggy or Oggie was a great delicacy of tin miners. Do any of my readers have the recipe for this succulent and historic dish?
The animal can become something of a pest because of it’s delight in digging up carrots. These are mostly eaten or, like the squirrel, re-buried elsewhere to be forgotten. It is said only the Carrot Fly can equal the Parstie when it comes to sniffing out hidden roots. Unlike the fly this nocturnal animal is a great delicacy and in the open season great numbers are trapped. Usually with the aid of juicy carrots.
Methods of cooking are closely guarded secrets, though some would say they have the knack! It is upto a true born Cornishman to give the cook the all clear. As mentioned earlier there is also the Oggy. This is a solitary beast. So rare in fact very few have seen it let alone tasted it. Whereas the Parstie could be called carnivorous, the Oggy has more of an omnivorous nature.
In fact there is a dispute as to where it came from. Some say Marco Polo brought it to Italy from Cathay along with edible boot laces! Whether we owe it to Marco or not I will leave it to you, but the aroma of a lightly roasted Oggy eaten at the bottom of a Cornish Tin Mine shaft, is something few will fail to forget. Always assuming one can find both an Oggy and a safe mine shaft!
The strange war cry - oggie, oggie, oggie - heard in Welsh Valleys and around pit villages of Northern climes has nothing to do with Cornwall. Neither has the sub species often found in Dumnonia and other parts of Albion. Though a very distant cousin of these two delicacies, Haggii rotunda, is worth seeking out.
The marauding Picts and other non descript tribes hail the Haggii as their National dish. This is a load of palony as the animal was first known to nomadic shepherds of Ancient Persia. It came to these shores by way of William and his mates when they paddled over to play conquers with our lot. After a deal of trouble they herded it into Hadrian’s back yard. A few semi - wild specimens are seen in the Shambles now and again but be wary of imitations.
Those foolish enough to risk life and limb travelling North of so-called civilization, should look for the more lively members of the Haggii family, ‘The Balmoral Burper and Grampian Griper’. The condition of local peasantry is a firm guide to which species are found in the locality. Travellers are advised to carry a large stock of kaolin and morphine to ward off unwanted side effects.
An even rarer sub-specie is said to inhabit the banks of Ness. When disturbed it exudes an hallucinogenic liquid which makes it look larger and longer. This keeps would be predators at bay. The ‘strange spectacle on Loch Ness’ reported in the Inverness Courier by Alex Campbell on May 2nd 1933, is thought to have been such a sighting of Haggii rotunda ‘aquatica’.
Fortunately, those living in the South have only to contend with an annual loss of carrots and strange noises emanating from old tin mine shafts. Some say these are the ghostly voices of long lost miners. Locals however will recognise them as the calls of a love sick Oggy!
Joking aside, I understand the Cornish Oggy or Oggie was a great delicacy of tin miners. Do any of my readers have the recipe for this succulent and historic dish?
Ye Ancient Marrow Wine
MARROW WINE
From a 19th Century recipe found in a Ure Dale
farmhouse and still as going strong. Very strong.
Gather ye marrows.
They must be firm and free of ye mould.
A goodly weight of at least eight pounds each.
Wash well the outsides.
Take ye a sharp knife and cut off about
Four inches from the stalk end.
With a long handled ladle (or ye fiste),
Remove the seeds, leaving softe fleshe inside.
Finde a goode qualite ladies silk hose,
Preferably without her in it.
cut off the big toe and
Insert your marrow within.
(The big toe of the hose).
A hole should be made in the
Bottom of the marrow
And the whole hung from a hook in the larder.
Take ye a bucket or jar (with a funnel in it),
Then place it beneath.
The marrow is now filled withe
Dark raw sugar to it’s very top.
Cover with cut-off stalke end.
Continue doing this till there be no soft fleshe left.
Collect ye liquid and put in a large copper, or jam pan.
Boil for about ten minutes or one quarter inch of candle.
Add a yeast from ye Master’s best Frenche wine.
Strane liquor into earthen jars and
Cork lightly for about five days.
Cork tightly and wire.
Store in a cool place then
Forget them for about four years.
Advance withe care and open ye vessels withe not a shacky hand. The Liquor to be treated withe great reverence, or woe to they who imbibe in quantity!
Chefs Note. 1 Litre bottles are best for bottling. If there’s any left it makes a fantastic addition to Black Forest Gateaux .........
This recipe can be found on the Bert Fry page of
The Archer’s 50th Anniversary Annual
Every book must be chewed to get out it’s juice.
Chinese Proverb
From a 19th Century recipe found in a Ure Dale
farmhouse and still as going strong. Very strong.
Gather ye marrows.
They must be firm and free of ye mould.
A goodly weight of at least eight pounds each.
Wash well the outsides.
Take ye a sharp knife and cut off about
Four inches from the stalk end.
With a long handled ladle (or ye fiste),
Remove the seeds, leaving softe fleshe inside.
Finde a goode qualite ladies silk hose,
Preferably without her in it.
cut off the big toe and
Insert your marrow within.
(The big toe of the hose).
A hole should be made in the
Bottom of the marrow
And the whole hung from a hook in the larder.
Take ye a bucket or jar (with a funnel in it),
Then place it beneath.
The marrow is now filled withe
Dark raw sugar to it’s very top.
Cover with cut-off stalke end.
Continue doing this till there be no soft fleshe left.
Collect ye liquid and put in a large copper, or jam pan.
Boil for about ten minutes or one quarter inch of candle.
Add a yeast from ye Master’s best Frenche wine.
Strane liquor into earthen jars and
Cork lightly for about five days.
Cork tightly and wire.
Store in a cool place then
Forget them for about four years.
Advance withe care and open ye vessels withe not a shacky hand. The Liquor to be treated withe great reverence, or woe to they who imbibe in quantity!
Chefs Note. 1 Litre bottles are best for bottling. If there’s any left it makes a fantastic addition to Black Forest Gateaux .........
This recipe can be found on the Bert Fry page of
The Archer’s 50th Anniversary Annual
Every book must be chewed to get out it’s juice.
Chinese Proverb
Hay Ho Ham
I first came across this dish some twelve years
ago at a friend’s Winter Festival bash.
A boiler large enough to take your ham
One Ham of around ten pounds
A large handful fresh sweet hay
Enough fine bread crumbs
Blades of Mace, take two
Of Cloves, half dozen
Sugar one teaspoon
Green garnishing
One egg, beaten
One Bay leaf
Method
Wash meat very carefully.
Lay ham in boiler and cover with cold water.
Add the Bay leaf, Cloves, Mace, Sugar and Hay.
Gradually heat the water to boiling over two hours.
DO NOT BOIL HARD.
Gently simmer, allowing fifteen minutes to every pound
pre-cooked weight.
Allow to cool in liquor.
When quite cold, remove skin. Do not break the fat.
Brush ham with egg and cover thickly with bread crumbs.
Brown quickly in pre-heated oven.
Serve with green garnish.
ago at a friend’s Winter Festival bash.
A boiler large enough to take your ham
One Ham of around ten pounds
A large handful fresh sweet hay
Enough fine bread crumbs
Blades of Mace, take two
Of Cloves, half dozen
Sugar one teaspoon
Green garnishing
One egg, beaten
One Bay leaf
Method
Wash meat very carefully.
Lay ham in boiler and cover with cold water.
Add the Bay leaf, Cloves, Mace, Sugar and Hay.
Gradually heat the water to boiling over two hours.
DO NOT BOIL HARD.
Gently simmer, allowing fifteen minutes to every pound
pre-cooked weight.
Allow to cool in liquor.
When quite cold, remove skin. Do not break the fat.
Brush ham with egg and cover thickly with bread crumbs.
Brown quickly in pre-heated oven.
Serve with green garnish.
From a Recipe of 1740
Let us take a step back in time when life was
hard for everyone but all enjoyed the revelry of Winter Festival.
Take one lean side of beef.
Fourteen Pheasants.
Greens of the season fourteen pounds.
Bulbs of wild onion (garlic) fourteen.
One cask red wine.
Some cloves and cinnamon to mix.
A few potatoes, two stone.
And plenty of good cheer plus a draught
for the cook, for best effect.
I have simplified the above
for modern times.
3lbs good beef.
1 Pheasant.
A pan of greens.
4 cloves garlic.
1 bottle red wine.
1/2 inch cinnamon.
6 cloves.
1/2 pound potatoes.
Plus plenty of old English ale.
Cook beef and birds slowly with garlic, turning and basting.
Cook vegetables in method of your persuasion.
Heat wine but do not boil, add spices and
set aside in a warm place.
Create sauce from vegetable water
and meat juices/beef dripping
Enjoy.
hard for everyone but all enjoyed the revelry of Winter Festival.
Take one lean side of beef.
Fourteen Pheasants.
Greens of the season fourteen pounds.
Bulbs of wild onion (garlic) fourteen.
One cask red wine.
Some cloves and cinnamon to mix.
A few potatoes, two stone.
And plenty of good cheer plus a draught
for the cook, for best effect.
I have simplified the above
for modern times.
3lbs good beef.
1 Pheasant.
A pan of greens.
4 cloves garlic.
1 bottle red wine.
1/2 inch cinnamon.
6 cloves.
1/2 pound potatoes.
Plus plenty of old English ale.
Cook beef and birds slowly with garlic, turning and basting.
Cook vegetables in method of your persuasion.
Heat wine but do not boil, add spices and
set aside in a warm place.
Create sauce from vegetable water
and meat juices/beef dripping
Enjoy.
Egg Flipping Banana
Not too sure about it’s name but it tastes good
375/12 fl ozs Milk.
1 good sized Banana.
1 tablespoon Honey.
1 Egg.
2-3 tablespoons Yoghurt.
2 scoops vanilla ice-cream.
2 ice cubes.
Put all ingredients into a blender and mix till smooth.
Pour into chilled glasses.
Serves two.
375/12 fl ozs Milk.
1 good sized Banana.
1 tablespoon Honey.
1 Egg.
2-3 tablespoons Yoghurt.
2 scoops vanilla ice-cream.
2 ice cubes.
Put all ingredients into a blender and mix till smooth.
Pour into chilled glasses.
Serves two.
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